


Honesty

by robertttsugden



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 06:37:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertttsugden/pseuds/robertttsugden
Summary: He loves her.Of course he does.That's why he asked her to marry him.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Honesty

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick look inside Callums thoughts before the wedding !
> 
> This is my first Ballum fic so apologies for how bad it is.

He loves her.

Of course he does.

That's why he asked her to marry him.

Not because he was trying to prove anything.

Certainly not because he was trying to hide something.

That certain something also being known as Ben Mitchell.

He knew. Deep down he knew he was gay. He had for years, a good while before he moved to the square, but he never let anyone know. Well, there was a few exceptions. Chris being one. Chris was the first person he truly loved. It hadn't worked out, but when his sister told him what happened it just reminded him of what he had felt for the man, he knew that was love, and it felt completely different to what he feels for Whitney. 

Of course he loves her, but just not in that way. He loves her as a friend, but he's trying to convince himself it's something more, whereas he knows deep down it's not. God knows he's tried, but he just can't make himself feel that way about her, and he hates himself for it. It's not fair on her, and he knows that. It makes him feel like he's the world worst person, but he just can't tell her that. He wants to do something right for once in his life, up to this point all he's done is messed things up and been a disappointment to everyone, and he refuses to let that happen anymore. Whitney deserves better than him, he knows that, but he can't break her heart like that - which is why he made the rash decision to propose to her, to make her happy. Being his typical self and putting others before himself.

The only problem is Ben. Well, not the only problem, clearly, but the most prominent one. There's just something about him, something which draws him in to the Mitchell and he just can't figure out what. It's different to what he felt for Chris, it's more intense. He just can't bring himself to act on it, he can't do that to Whitney, not after all he's done so far. He just needs to keep his distance, bury all this and just forget about it and move on. 

He can't have people knowing what he is.

Knowing he likes men,

He just can't.


End file.
